5 Practical Strategies to Deflect Negative Influence

Have you ever been told that you lack what it takes to succeed?

Have you been discouraged from pursuing something because others have tried and failed?

Have you given up on your dream because people around you discouraged you?

Or maybe past experiences, statistics, or research have left you feeling doubtful about your abilities?

If you’ve experienced any of these doubts, it’s possible that you’re internalizing the beliefs of others.

I learned it the hard way that I was living out the beliefs of others or internalizing them as my own.

I’ve always been a confident, optimistic, self-motivated individual. I’m a curious person who is always open to possibilities and perspectives.

For years, I kept on listening to all the advice I was getting from my parents, relatives, teachers, friends, neighbors, colleagues, and anyone else who had an opinion because I believed in being open to other perspectives.

I was grateful that they are sharing their wisdom and may know better than me because they were older, more experienced, from a different background, etc. I believed (still do) that I could learn something from everyone, so I was accepting advice and feedback from everyone.

It only took a few knots in my brain while trying to process and analyze the vague, biased, and contradictory opinions to understand that I was giving way more credit to others’ opinions than I should be.

I started to understand that not everything that my well-wishers said needed to be translated into action, especially if it was to discourage me from doing something.

I also found out that people often pass on their fears, hesitations, and limitations to you, thinking that they are protecting you from

looking like a fool,

failing, or

pursuing something that they themselves are scared of.

I understood that their fears and beliefs are not my reality. They don’t know me as well as I know myself. Besides, how smart is it to listen to someone who forms an opinion in a few minutes or even fifteen minutes.

So, when I heard vague advice and phrases like:

“Just be yourself,” “Find a work-life balance”, “Studies show..”, “Have a positive mindset”, “You should try this diet”, “You should confront”, “Why don’t you pursue Data science, it’s the next big thing”, “Are you sure you want to waste time pursuing x, you know computer science will pay you more”, “Get over it and move on”, “Be more____”, “Historically, people of this gender, race, appearance, or age have failed, do you still want to pursue it?”, “Statistics have shown___”, etc.

Now, unlike in the past, I pause to contemplate how others’ opinions might affect my ambitions and dreams. While I hear their words, I don’t necessarily accept them as truth or allow them to shake my self-confidence.

I strive to comprehend the underlying motives behind their advice or opinion. Are they offering their perspective because they genuinely believe it will assist me, or are they merely passing on something they recently learned and felt the need to share?

Or perhaps their insights are based solely on a brief conversation we had on the subject. Either way, I take it all into consideration without letting it dictate my path.

Here are five practical strategies I’ve developed to deflect negative influence that will lend you a helping hand:

1. Filter Discouraging Advice: Don’t entertain advice that sows seeds of self-doubt, discourages you, or hampers your progress towards your objectives.

2. Question Wisdom Nuggets: Sometimes, advice comes cloaked as familiar pearls of wisdom. Dig deeper and question its relevance to your situation. If it’s restrictive rather than solution-focused, it’s probably not worth following.

3. Separate Fear from Advice: Understand that advice meant to prevent embarrassment or failure often originates from the advisor’s personal fears. Avoid letting their apprehensions guide your decisions. Remember, there’s no shame in stumbling, and failure is merely a stepping stone towards success.

4. Don’t Project Others’ Failures: Keep in mind that someone else’s failure doesn’t predestine your own. It merely suggests that the path could be tough, and you’ll need to be ready, tenacious, and open to unconventional thinking.

5. Embrace Discomfort: Be skeptical of counsel that encourages you to stay within your comfort zone. Straying beyond your comfort boundaries is essential for personal growth, knowledge acquisition, and achieving extraordinary feats. With repetition and time, the unfamiliar gradually becomes familiar.

In summary, here are a few reminders:

Life’s a journey, and it’s all yours. Don’t get too caught up in what others think. You’ve got your own path to carve out.

Remember, it’s okay to take risks and stumble along the way — that’s all part of the ride.

The sky’s not the limit; it’s just part of the view. You set your own boundaries. So, don’t let anyone else hold the pen when you’re drawing out your map.

Trust yourself, follow your instincts, and keep pursuing what matters to you.

You’re not just reaching for the stars — you’re one of them.

Shine on!